It seems like most of the people I know are completely over extended and just fried out.
And I get that sometimes you just deal with the hand you're dealt, suck it up and do what needs done.
But I'm shocked at how often the crazy schedule is voluntarily.
(If you are happy being really insanely busy, that's great. You might want to skip this post and go back to saving the world single handed.)
I really think it's time to just say "NO".
Say it politely, but say it with meaning.
I know that woman usually feel bad saying no. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. We guilty.
I feel bad sometimes too.
But I really think we should get over it.
Don't get me wrong. I'm all for sports, crafts (at least in theory, if other people want to do them), extra curricular activities, parties and volunteering in reasonable quantities.
But maybe just say "yes" to the things you really want to do, not the stuff you feel like you should do.
Learning to nicely say "no" every now and then has made a world of difference in my life. I'm still perfecting my technique, but I'm getting better at it.
I'm hoping my son will consider a happy, sane mom a fair trade for never having a scrap book.
45 comments:
Just had this conversation with an employee tonight!!
Saying NO won't hurt sometimes.
Totally on point K!!
*dangles my watch*
you are getting sleepy. sooo sleepy. when I count to five, you will begin scrapbooking....
LOL
So often I have thought what you've just said. It's like it's some sort of sin to want to simply BE somtimes. Or take a nap. Or sit and daydream. "What are you DOing?" people will say. Nothing. That's what I'm doing. Cos if I don't do nothing sometimes, I get really cranky.
PS--my child is grown lol.
True, true, so true!
Neither of my kids have a scrapbook!
This is all so true! I think we overwhelm ourselves at times without realizing we have the option of saying no.
~Michelle
We have no scrapbooks and I reuse to use that term as a verb.
I am trying very hard to talk myself into quitting something which no longer brings me joy and guilt is the primary reason I haven't been able to do so. Thanks for the gentle kick in the pants.
yes, saying no is difficult for some reasons,but however we need to enjoy ourselves so whenever we back to the people we love, we're in fit and happy life.. :D
I totally agee with ya sister!! Just say no! And only say yes to what you want to do! We would all do less bitching!
Great point, I gave been working with my self on assertion lately.
You are so right. So much of our busy-ness is our own fault. I think it's time to step back and prioritize.
So true!! I have a hard time saying no, and have been working towards learning to say no, especially at work!
I get the saying no in theory. I'm such a guilt-driven person. It eats at me so much longer than if I had just done whatever it was I said no to. I'm working on it though.
I see the world (many times!)made up of givers and takers.. Takers will take-emotionally, physically, and monetarily until the giver wakes up. They then move on to another giver, much like a parasite who has gotten all the blood out of it's host... As a giver,(and my wife is worse!)the sooner you recognize these leeches, the better off you are!
i have such a problem with this! i am trying to learn to say no, but i am not very good at it.
I decided shortly after my son was born and I knew that my husband and I would have opposite schedules, that I was going to have to say "no" to a lot of things if I wanted to see my husband or son. So far, so good. I've been able to say "no" and keep my activities to a minimum. I guess having a child changed my priorities and made me stronger, at least in how I can say "not gonna do it..."
you know... i think it is all about balance :) but i agree- we shouldn't say yes out of guilt! in the past i have been guilted into far too many things! i am so much better at saying no now... and only volunteering for the things that really mean something to me... and my family.
(as for scrapbooks, my kids love theirs... but they will definitely notice that once the blog started the scrapbooking tapered off- dramatically!)
I decided several years ago to say NO to people who were trying to suck my time away from me. I think that we all deserve to set limits. Good for you!
Love your blog! Chose you for the Lovely Blog Award, visit my blog for the award! Love your RTTs! :D
Lots of folks have trouble with saying no. I never did. I do too much sometimes, but it's always things I love to do. Everyone needs more "ME" time.
Have a terrific day. :)
Yeah, I have scrapbook guilt too...ditto "we don't record everything he does on DVD" guilt. But then I get to actually ENJOY the Pumpkin Festival with him rather than not being able to remember any of it because I was too busy chasing him with the camera...
Yesterday a neighbor offered me a bag of clothes to look through that no longer fit her...I just wasn't interested and knew I'd get stuck having to get rid of the stuff myself - one more thing to do, you know. So I said no. She wasn't happy about it, and even got a little pushy, but I stood my ground.
I have enough piles of crap around here. I don't need my neighbor's crap, too.
I think I need to re-read this post daily.
I totally couldn't agree with you more!
I often wish I could say no more! Though some people now better than to even ask ;)
My sisters say I can never say "no." It's true, this year is my year for saying "no" when it really is not going to work for me!
In the last 5 months, I've already said "No" twice. That's a good start for me.
Those are the same parents that over schedule their kids.
You're totally right. I need to remember this!
Sanity is overrated.
Totally impossible for me. As you know. (:
Great post. Know your limits. The sooner you accept the fact you can't do it all, the better off you will be. No scrapbooks here either K... I'm somewhat sane I believe.
ok, so now I throw away all those fancy scrap book papers, scissors, stickers and ribbons that I collected since 5 years ago but never used??!! Whew! What a relief!!
Good post, K!
You're so right! Moms, especially, try to do everything. It's impossible. I feel stretched most of the time. I'm wiped out by the end of the day. I'll have to practice saying NO once in a while too.
I am soo with you on this one. Except it is something I need to practice perfecting this. Some of my problem is self-inflicted in that I have a very hard time saying no to reasonable requests. The other half of my problem is more a function of having four kids! This quarter at school I made a conscious decision to ease back on my commitment and things have been much easier... of course I'll likely have less stupidity for my blog as a result, too. Hmmm....
I am very overcommitted and it does give me the blues. I'll remember your words. Thanks!
LOVE IT! "sane Mommy rather than a scrapbook" LOVE IT!
I started my blog as my version of a scrapbook. I too have learned to say NO. My husband has helped me perfect the word! He has a gift of knowing his limits and I admire him for it so I figure if I know mine people will admire me also.
Very well put, I'm having to learn the power of NO these days too. I think our kids will appreciate it someday.
Did you write this with me in mind???
Top blogger Christine Kane did wonderful post on Saying No. You might be able to Google it.
"No" has such a freeing effect indeed. I'm getting better at it.
i am great at saying no. hahah! yeah, i don't get the overextended thing. i think sometimes moms, especially, sometimes think they have to be superwomen.
Saying NO is the best YES you can give yourself.
Very true.
Instead of telling people no I make up excuses. Such as I have an appointment or something like that so I can't possibly volunteer today.
Your last sentence? Priceless and right ON!
What bothers me is I don't know people who just get together anymore - there always has to be some other purpose. As if just relaxing and catching up was a complete waste of time.
I have never had a problem saying no. Just ask the hubs.
And anyone else I know.
Thanks for the reminder. :)
Definitely learn how to say no when your child is small. Once he's in regular school you will be asked to volunteer for everything if you're still a work from home mom. This is been the first year that I've said no a few times, and it's been the first year since my boys started school that I'm staying relatively sane.
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