I was changing the little man's diaper this afternoon, getting him ready for nap, and he started kicking me.
Hard. On purpose.
While laughing.
It's like he was following a recipe on how to make my head turn into a super nova.
I told him to stop. He just giggled and did it again, only harder.
This continued on for several rounds which is always a bad sign in my book.
For practical reasons, I quickly concluded that time outs don't mix well with a diaperless toddler. (Time outs usually work really well in our house.)
And I was at a loss...
I've never had to use a technique other than a time out or distraction before. (The little man is very active, but is generally pretty happy and easy to handle).
(I'm pretty against the idea of spanking so I was hoping to come up with something else.)
So I threatened him with the one thing I thought would get his attention - bedtime stories before nap. Bedtime stories are just about his favorite thing in the world.
He ignored the warning. He kicked me as hard as little legs were capable of kicking.
So he was put down for nap today without any stories.
The whole thing was sad. He was upset... really upset.
And I was tempted to give in, but I didn't.
And although I feel a bit mean right now, I'm actually quite proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure I just passed the first of many tests that come with parenting a wild two year old boy.
In theory I'd like the punishment to be a consequence of the behavior (i.e. throw a toy, that toy gets taken away), but I couldn't come up with anything good for kicking like a maniac during diaper changes. I totally open if anybody has any suggestions.
I think the trying twos are officially here! Let the games begin...
54 comments:
You should be proud! I had a time with mine. Now she is five and I'm still having a time! LOL!
Mine is 13 and I'm still having a time...
You're right - you were in a tough spot - there isn't a reasonable punishment to fit the crime (That I can think of!)
Oh let the two's begin! What do you do when they dont care what you take away, are happy to sit in time out, dont care about reward points or stars for good behavior?? Hopefully you wont have to find out, but if you do pass it along will you?
I am late on this but happy SITS Day! it has been a crazy week, leaving little time for blogging so I stole a minute and am catching up.
It is so hard when those little one's think that what they are doing is a game and really it isn't. I fear you will have more of these days. Good luck and if you find something that works let me know.
Well this is weird. I just wrote a post myself a few days ago about threatening to take away bedtime stories...
My three-year-old was a diaper change kicker as well, and to be honest I can't remember how I handled it. But I think if you could get the diaper on quickly and whisk him off to a time-out, it would probably work.
We're big on "logical consequences" too, and sometimes it is really hard to come up with one (wait until he starts lying to get out of trouble, around 7 or 8). But actually, I think no bedtime stories is pretty good - if he isn't cooperative with getting ready for a nap, then naptime doesn't go his way.
Well, I think that losing quality time with Mommy is a logical consequence of being mean and disrespectful of Mommy. So, losing the bedtime story is a logical consequence of kicking. Good for you for standing your ground!
How about he has to clean himself for the next 2 days...that'll work!!! ;)
Seriously though, taking away privileges is the best way..just make sure he knows why it was taken away and the consequences of repeat 'bad' behaviour!!
I predict you'll be keeping this up everyday for another year so keep lot of aspirin in your cupboard!!
I just wanted to stop by and tell you hi. I missed your SITS day! Your blog is so cute!! I love the layout!
My 5 year old (autistic) refuses to get dressed at times and it's that kicking game all over again. He used to do that at diaper changing time. Good job at not caving in. You do it once and they learn if they cry enough Mommy will give in. It's easier to be mean now than later, and he will get over it.
Oh the kick laugh and kick again thing.
Unfortunately what you did is what I have done.
But my lil one is wicked stubborn so we have a tug of war on who's the real winner in the house.
:sigh:
For God's sake she only almost 3.
I just thought of a diabolical "so you skipped another English assignment punishment" for a teenaged girl, but, sadly, it won't work on a toddler. (unless he can read poetry...)
taking away the diaper would just punish you...
ouch.
good job sticking to it
When you go through the terrible twos you think you have to "do" something and set precedents and all that stuff. I was the same. ANd maybe you do. There's no way of knowing.
I have to say my favoured method was a really angry shout or a quick slap so they knew immediately that I was upset/angry or whatever. I don't like calculated time-delayed punishments or threats- I'd hate anyone to do that to me. They need telling immediately so the reason for the punishment is absolutely clear. I know it is not trendy these days but it worked for me and my children never were terribly horrible and they are very outgoing and jolly now. I very rarely had to slap them - they could see in my eyes when I was genuinely annoyed/upset or horrified and knew I would slap them or drag them away from what they were doing and holler at them.
But all parents are different and your approach seems to have worked. We all feel bad about punishements whatever they are!
Oh, my son was almost uncontrollable at that age. It seemed like no matter what we did to him, he would just laugh. But persistence does pay off. Whatever the consequence, make sure you follow through with it! Good job!
Other than hogtying the kid, and dancing around him with some sort of victory dance while he cries in confusion, I can't really think of anything.
Good for you for sticking with your punishment. And hopefully it works.
Depending on how 'sympathetic' your toddler is, you might just react in a way that lets him know that he's hurting you and that you're not enjoying his little game. I know it sounds a little like a 'guilt trip', but it's one of the ways that they learn to recognize when someone is unhappy with something they've done.
Yes, you should be proud. No hitting and kicking is a good rule to follow.
They sure can push the buttons tho, can't they??
My 1 year old does that ALL THE TIME! It drives me NUTS! He kicks the hell outa me and thinks it's funny. I have started holding his legs down. Good Luck! :)
I remember a few times having to practically lay across my boys to get diapers on or car seat straps fastened. He'll get over it and he'll make the connection between the action and losing his story time.
My boys just come out and tell me that I'm a mean mom now, but to me that just means that I'm not on track to raise a brat. Moms of brats seem to never get told that they're mean.
it's the beginning of the toddler tests, and so far it sounds like you're passing with flying colors.
consider yourself very lucky that time outs work at such a young age...before potty trained is very unusual
Good one, I'm glad you got a reaction! I've gotten kicked a lot recently too. Also, splashed when Graham's in the tub and (after counting him to 3) I yank his naked ass out of the tub and stick him in time out. He could care less about time outs but I'm hoping that eventually they'll stick. They have to or I'll lose my sanity.
Way to stick to your guns, it sounds like you're doing great.
I think you did the right thing. Every action on his part has a consequence. I was all about consequences and giving the kids decisions. Decision making is a hard thing to teach but keep at it.
I agree with the "punishment" matching the "crime" lol. good mama. would you consider any kind of leg restraint? not like tying him up , but like gently holding his legs down while saying NO... etc.... over and over to show that you will not --no --never give up.... that he can resist mama all he wants but mama knows best.. etc....
From my own experience, all I can suggest is whatever you pick stick with it. If you set up an expected consequence don't give in, and try to keep the consequences as similar as you can to other previous consequences for similar actions (the consequences for fits is sitting on the time out step...the consequences for yelling is quiet time in your room...etc). Consistency is totally key.
Does this stop them from flipping out for no apparent reason, with no regard for the consequences? Uh, no. Sorry. But it does help them make the connection between their actions and the consequence and does make them (eventually)understand that Mom is the one In Charge.
Seriously though, good luck. It gets pretty grisly in the toddler years.
That would be considered punishment for me too, I love story time with my 2 year old.
Good for you for sticking to your guns and watching out for your gut :)
I got nothing! But I think your approach was totally appropriate! Good job.
I wrangle my daughter. :) It's a trick I learned babysitting my nieces.
I lay them down and put my leg over their chest, I don't put any pressure on them though. It greatly reduces the wiggling and it occupies them enough to get the diaper on, LOL.
Kind of like how the strap works on a diaper changing table...
Act like he really hurt you...
You passed that with flying colors. I agree that there should usually be a crrelation between the offense and the punishment, but you're right, what could you do? Take away his diaper?!
You found something that's important to him and I think he learned.
Now the bad news? I've found the three's to be much more trying than the two's... and also more fun :)
Good for you for sticking to what you promised. I think that is the whole key.
I don't do spankings either and sometimes it is hard to find a punishment suitable. This one worked for you and that is good. Today I've put my son in timeout with none of his toys and no TV. That was enough to make him upset. For now. We'll see how it goes later.
Love your site, by the way.
eeeeewwwwww! Very cool blog design! Love it! k bye.
2 and 3 is a hard age for discipline because the kids CAN make the connection ... sometimes. Good for you to stick to your decision! Always stick to it!
It was at this age that we began to shut down all physical punishments with our kids.
When a kid can't reason with you, that light smack on the diaper or offending hand can help them realize that what they've just done that second is a negative thing. But by 2-3 they CAN reason - sort of.
When mine were toddlers, we would talk first: to see if they could understand and control themselves. Then usually a time-out/separation time (like yours). If that did not achieve the desired behavior change after several consistent applications (and consistency is KEY at that age), then and only then, would we return to the physical punishment for something like kicking or hitting.
It was only for a physical attack that we would consider a physical punishment at this age: it helped our son understand he was causing pain. He would feel the hurt and then we could say something like, "Your kick makes me hurt like that. Do you like the hurt?" He says, "No" (duh) And I would say, "I don't like the hurt either."
We would hug and promise no more hurts.
If (when?) it happened next, I could say, "Remember? No more hurts." He would remember.
Goo luck and hang in there! He's testing to see where his boundaries are, so let him see them clearly!
Sheesh! Epic response! Saw the typo just as I clicked "publish", too.
That would be "good" luck, of course!
:)
Ugh, X does that and I *hate* it. He kicks me or throws something at me (he has good aim, too) and laughs and laughs regardless of how hurt/annoyed/angry I act. He's only 19 months old so he doesn't really 'get' a time-out, but I've given him a few just because I'M the one that needs a break.
Great job! Follow through is the hardest part. Trust me I know I gave in a time or two. My son did the kicking thing when he was little also. Hopefully yours has learned a lesson.
You did the right thing.
I usually take my kid's favorite toys away when they're not listening and I HATE to hear them so upset. But at the same time, I know it's an important lesson for them.
I feel you on this one. The twos are setting in over here as well. God help us all.
Whatever you choose, be consistent.
Then hug and kiss him and hug and kiss him some more. They grow up fast.
Sounds like you did pretty well to me! You didn't smack him, you didn't wind up with pee on your floor or furniture, and he got the message. The nuances increase as the child grows older....
Any suggestions on dealing with a 35-year-old who doesn't call her mother often enough?
I think you did great! The hardest thing I have found to do as parent is to calming set a consequence, reinforce it and STICK TO IT. Kudos to you and hopefully it curb the kicking...peace
Be proud! Being consistent only gets more and more important. For me the twos were bad, but threes have been really hard for me.
Just stumbled here from Sits. Loved your write ups. I have nothing to do with kids but can imagine how difficult it must be to be tough in the face of such cuteness!
Cheers.
OMG, K were we separated at birth or something? I am the EXACT same way. I have this whole theory of natural consequences and when Jade was a baby I explained it to my hubby who was (is) skeptical. He's more of a spare the rod, spoil the child type.
So, with that said, I have NO answers, but that's how parenting is. We don't know what we're doing...we just throw everything against the wall and 18 years later, we find out what stuck.
Get used to it! ;)
You passed the test with flying colors! Those are never easy but so worth it in the end (and remember it's not the end yet...) ;p
I'm glad you didn't give in! I think the reciprocal thing would have been to kick HIM, but I DON'T recommend that!
i think you did the right thing... stated a consequence and then followed through. it is one of the toughest things to do... it breaks our hearts just as much as theirs... but follow through is the most important part... and they will learn... that you meant what you said. be strong :)
Yeah, i think you did the right and oh how tempting it is to give in but it feels soooo good when I don't because I know a lesson has been learned or at the very least will be remembered when they do it again which they inevitably will
Mine is almost 2 as well! It's getting rough! I'm anti-spanking too which has left us with timeouts. But sometimes those are rough too. Who knew that this whole parenting this would be so hard!? :) Good luck! Don't forget to share the things you learn!
I've "been there" with my 4-yr old and despite that, I'm not any wiser now with my 2-yr old. The joys of parenting... :)
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Thanks for the blog visit & comment fellow SITS Gal. I laughed when reading your post! My little man turns 1 today I can't believe it. He is so hard to change. Be very proud that you didn't give in. With my 3.5 year old we use those type of things and it really works for us. The no Dora for a few days was a tough one for both of us!
Terri
Gosh, I wouldn't know what I would do either. I certainly would not encourage it unless the baby is too small to understand what I am saying. I am interested to read what the others have to say.
Sometimes it's hard to be strict and stay with it, but I've found if you're strict from the beginning and then later, as rules are followed, you can loosen up a bit :) Twos are a fun age, though challenging!
Yeah - the kicking thing is driving me nuts too!
i can't think of a punishment to fit the crime, but sometimes a little tap is called for.
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