Today is November 20th.
It seems like a pretty innocent date. And probably for most people it is.
But for me, this is one of the trickiest days of the year.
Today is my mother's birthday, but it also marks the 4th anniversary of my father's death.
(And if that wasn't enough, it's also my in laws 33rd wedding anniversary.)
My parents split when I was ten so I don't think it's quite as awful for Mom as it sounds at first. Although I'm sure that having your ex kick the bucket on your birthday is a bit unsettling.
I know my dad would see humor in the timing. My parents relationship after the split wasn't the worst I've seen, but we weren't exactly one big happy family holding hands around the camp fire singing songs.
And there are times I can appreciate the irony, but then there are times I'm just still pissed about the whole thing.
My dad was only 59 when he had a heart attack and died suddenly.
And I feel cheated.
I was just getting to know my dad as an adult (I was 25 when he died). It really bothers me that he never got to meet my son (who would have been his first grandchild).
And when I'm not being totally self absorbed, I also just feel really bad for my half-brother who will graduate high school in June. He lost our dad way too early.
And I feel like celebrating my mom's birthday should be really simple and uncomplicated, but it's just not right now.
As I've mentioned before, my mom has Parkinson's. Luckily, she is still in the early stages and is still able to pretty much life her life normally, but with Parkinson's you just don't know how quickly things might progress.
So while I'm thankfully she is celebrating another healthy year today, it also makes me very aware that time is passing. And unfortunately with a degenerative disease, time is not your friend.
I can't help but think about it all today.
Tomorrow I'll focus on being thankful, the new baby excitement and getting ready for the holidays.
But not today.
Today, I'll just do the best I can. And I'll give my husband and son a few extra hugs and kisses.
20 comments:
Here's some hugs and kisses from me to you.
Today.
Wow, it does sound a bit complicated, but I like how your post ended on a positive note. Have you read Always Looking Up by Michael J. Fox? I thought it was a really good book and I never once made me feel preached to. Maybe you can check it out (although it sounds like you are very busy right now, so maybe later when you have the time).
:) Smiles for you today.
Well, I'll add some more hugs into the mix here. Seems you could use a bunch today. Hugs! :)
hoping that the day is kind to you and filled with plenty of hugs and kisses...
*virtual hug*
My father also had Parkinson's, and my parents went the same way my fathers parents did, together. Seemed they wanted it that way...
I need to read that book...my hardest time is that my father went on my son's birthday, and he looks just like him...
Sorry I have not been a very consistent virtual blog friend...
Sending bloggy hugs to you as well. Hang in there!
sending up a prayer... and sending out a hug. some days we just need to sit and reflect... and i'm glad that your are already planning on smiling tomorrow :)
Wishing you the warmest holidays and a happy birthday for your mom!
its hard to face the inevitable sometimes, for me, too. But I think that you are doing very well, hugs and kisses are always the best medicine for anything...
Wow, that IS a lot of emotional stuff all on the same day.
I'm sending you hugs today and I hope that you are able to find some peace and happiness and enjoy your mom's birthday and the fact that she is still here. It's a gift.
My uncle has had parkinsons for over 20 years. It seems to have hit a point and never got worse than that.
It is freaky that all of those dates line up the same. Hard to celebrate for one parent and mourn another.
Wow this is a difficult day for you. I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs for me, too!
Hang in there! Sounds like quite a juggling act.
"ONE of THE GUYS"
We came over from LuvemorLeavem.
I'm sorry today is such a tough day for you. :(
Sounds like you have a good, simple plan for kind of a tough couple of days...
I understand, my dad died of a massive heart attack at 58 five years ago - biggest shock of my life, also regret that he didn't meet my daughter.
(((hugs)))
Ups and downs all in the same day. I understand your grief. Last Saturday it was 8 years since my father died. For some reason this year was far more emotional for me than usual. After all, I've had 8 years to get used to it, right? Wrong, you never get used to it.
Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.
I can relate to everything you said. Life can be so complicated. Sometimes you just need to set aside a day to mull over those feelings and then get on with life. Thanks for sharing your feelings.
My friend lost her dad very suddenly when she was 19. He was in his 50's. It's tough.
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