Today is November 20th.
It seems like a pretty innocent date. And probably for most people it is.
But for me, this is one of the trickiest days of the year.
Today is my mother's birthday, but it also marks the 4th anniversary of my father's death.
(And if that wasn't enough, it's also my in laws 33rd wedding anniversary.)
My parents split when I was ten so I don't think it's quite as awful for Mom as it sounds at first. Although I'm sure that having your ex kick the bucket on your birthday is a bit unsettling.
I know my dad would see humor in the timing. My parents relationship after the split wasn't the worst I've seen, but we weren't exactly one big happy family holding hands around the camp fire singing songs.
And there are times I can appreciate the irony, but then there are times I'm just still pissed about the whole thing.
My dad was only 59 when he had a heart attack and died suddenly.
And I feel cheated.
I was just getting to know my dad as an adult (I was 25 when he died). It really bothers me that he never got to meet my son (who would have been his first grandchild).
And when I'm not being totally self absorbed, I also just feel really bad for my half-brother who will graduate high school in June. He lost our dad way too early.
And I feel like celebrating my mom's birthday should be really simple and uncomplicated, but it's just not right now.
As I've mentioned before, my mom has Parkinson's. Luckily, she is still in the early stages and is still able to pretty much life her life normally, but with Parkinson's you just don't know how quickly things might progress.
So while I'm thankfully she is celebrating another healthy year today, it also makes me very aware that time is passing. And unfortunately with a degenerative disease, time is not your friend.
I can't help but think about it all today.
Tomorrow I'll focus on being thankful, the new baby excitement and getting ready for the holidays.
But not today.
Today, I'll just do the best I can. And I'll give my husband and son a few extra hugs and kisses.