Settled, Down not For

There is an important difference between settling down and settling for something. That distinction seems to get lost sometimes.

It doesn't matter whether you are a working mom, a stay at home type or a some hybrid in the middle, there is a lot of negativity dumped on mothers. Books, TV shows, movies, even stories in the news are full of  tales of unhappy, bitter woman trapped by their choices.

I’m sick of the frazzled, unhappy, frumpy mom stereotypes.  They make me mad, but more than that I think they are dangerous.  If you hear something enough times, it can start to sound like the truth.

So I just want to state once and for all that I may have settle down, but I didn’t settle. I choose this life. And I am happy, damn it.

Did I “give up” my full time career and a bunch of my personal freedom? Sure I did, but the rest of the question should be what did I get in return. I got a family that I adore. I get the wonderful privilege of raising two fascinating little people. I don’t see this deal as a sacrifice; I see it as the bargain.

Of course, marriage, even without children, requires that people give up a certain things. I’m sure there are exceptions, but most married folks can’t get drunk and kiss a stranger without consequences. You can’t be totally selfish and you should probably consider your mate in major life decisions. You might have to share the remote or allow your mate to decorate your basement with Steelers propaganda. But at the end of the day, I want to be tucked in next to my man. The pros aren't even in the same ball park as the cons.

I feel the same way about my kids. There are days when I just want to use the bathroom by myself. There are days when I’m desperately in need of reinforcements by the time my husband comes home. But I would never, never trade this chaotic life for anything.

I love being a mom. I love eating homemade dinners at our table. I love mornings at the park and long stroller walks. I love holding a chubby little hand.  I love sharing my life with the one man who really and truly knows me and loves me anyway.

It’s true that I’m about as settled as one can be. I’ve got a couple of kids, a husband, a large mortgage and a minivan. But I’ve in no way settled. My life is so much larger than I ever dreamed it would be.

And I don't think I'm alone.  I think we desperately need to build a more supportive world for women and a good first step would be to banish all the bitter stereotypes.