The Big D

I just heard about another friend who is getting divorced after just a few years. It truly shocks me how many marriages I have already seen fall apart. (Background - I’m 31 and I’ve been married for 7 years.)

The news got me thinking about how we choose a partner to marry.  Thinking way back to my dating days, I have to admit that I got caught up in superficial, unimportant things. For example, I’m 5’8” and I never wanted to date anybody shorter than me. This was pretty much nonnegotiable. (I’m sure you can see where I’m going here.)

Anyway…one day, I went to a bar with some coworkers and ended up taking the seat next to a cute guy that worked across the hall that was already there. After hours of talking, we stood up to leave and only then did I realize that I towered over him in heels.

I’m only slightly taller in bare feet, but I still think my younger, more ridiculous self would have cared if I wasn’t already completely smitten by the time I figured it out. I don’t know for sure, but I think there is a decent chance I would have overlooked the fabulous man I married if we had met while standing instead of seated at a booth.

I also got to thinking about one of the odder divorces I’ve seen where a couple split after about 5 years when they couldn’t agree whether or not to have children. This one always baffled me a bit because it seems like one of those things you’d work out before saying “I do”. I suspect there is more to this story, there usually is right?

So not that anybody is asking, but my advice to dating couples is to talk about the really important stuff and don’t worry quite so much about what type of music or books or movies or whatever each other likes.

How do you think about money? How many children would you like to have? Is this person fundamentally kind? What are your nonnegotiable areas where you won’t compromise?

If you match on the basics, you can happily coexist even if one of you loves ESPN while the other has an unhealthy addiction to HGTV and you have totally different taste in books. Trust me on this one.

Whenever I hear a divorce story, I just feel sad for everybody involved and thankful for my husband.  I’m not exactly sure what the point of this post is other than just taking a moment to say I’m grateful for my marriage. So universe - thank  you for my man and my babies. I'll do my best to treat them the way they deserve.

Bring on the Happiness

Can I ask you a question?  Are you happy?

And I don't really mean in a right now, this instant kind of a way, but in a fundamental general sense - Are you happy with your life?

Lately, it feels like everybody I come into contact with seems discontent.  (FYI- This excludes my immediate family, my husband is a generally cheerful guy and the kids are silly, ridiculous little people.)

But it seems that most of the moms (both random ones and my friends) I have chatted with recently seem blue.  My facebook home page is a strange list of vaguely angry status updates about misbehaving children and bitter political statements. 

Is this just me?  Am I hanging out at the wrong parks?  Or is the world, especially the mommyhood full of unhappy people?  Are we housewives really desperate?

I totally get having a bad day.  I have definitely had some days that are crappy, sometimes literally.  But I've been getting the sense that for some of the people I've been encountering it goes deeper than that. 

As for myself, I am happy.  I freely acknowledge that this mommy gig is freaking hard work, but I don't want to be doing anything else.  I have bad days.  I lose my temper sometimes, probably more than I should.  But I'm truly grateful for my husband, my children and my life, even if there are occasional blurry moments in the big picture.

Bottom line, the negatively is starting to get to me.  It's making it hard to keep things in perspective and I feel like I'm starting to have more negative thoughts because I'm hearing more negative thoughts (does that make sense to anybody else?).

What I think is it's time to up the positive in my life, but I'm not exactly sure how. 

What do you do when you feel a case of the blues threatening to attack?

Do you have any suggestions?  Where do the happy moms hang out?  Are there any fun, uplifting blogs or websites you can recommend?

I've tried listening to fun music and jump starting my workout routine, both of which have been a success.  I've also reached out to a couple of moms I know who are generally uplifting people to be around with mixed success, summer always seems a tricky time to meet up.

Am I missing something?

You Are What You Consume?

Does this scare anybody else? Watching 'Jersey Shore' might make you dumber, study suggests

I've never been one for Jersey Shore, but I have wasted many hours watching Survivor and I do have a weakness for ChickLit with bright covers.

According to the article, a study was done where people were read two different stories.  One about somebody being a dumbass in the spirit of most reality TV shows and one that was neutral with no ridiculous behavior.  Participants were given a test after the story and those who heard the "dumb" story consistently scored lower.

I'm not sure what I make of the study, but there was some other info in the article that I thought was interesting. Apparently, anything we see influences our next thoughts, emotions or actions (even if we don't think it does) because it's on "the top of our mind".  So basically, whatever information we last fed our brains is most likely to affect the way we think.

A scary thought when you consider the content of most TV shows.

I still think there is room for a little trash in the media we consume, but it is probably best as a dessert and not the main course.

Deeper Than Skin?

Beauty is only skin deep.  It's what's on the inside that matters.

I do agree, but how do I explain how much better I feel when I wearing decent clothes and a little make up?

I've never really been that into clothes, but lately I'm really enjoying shopping...really enjoying it.  

I haven't been buying anything expensive because I'm well aware that my clothes can be ruined at any moment, but I've picked up a handful of new outfits that are practical for the mommyhood.  I upgraded from a diaper bag to a actual purse again.  I've experimenting with fun earrings and accessories. I like my haircut for the first time since high school.

I'm certainly not a queen of style now by any stretch, but I no longer feel frightening frumpy.  I just feel good, better than I've felt in a long time. I feel like myself, not some mommified version of me.

It's utterly depressing to have a drawer full of bras that don't fit and a closet full of clothes you secretly hate.  Before Operation Wardrobe Update, I was really starting to feel frumpy and kind of old.  I've spent a good portion of the last five years pregnant or nursing and my closet definitely reflected this reality.

So I decided it was time to take action.

Does all this make me vain?

Maybe.  But it also makes me happy.
In the end, I think it's okay to care about your appearance as long as you don't care too much about what other people are wearing.

I promise I won't judge anybody else for throwing their hair in greasy buns and sporting sweatpants because I've been there myself.  I just don't want to be there anymore.