Lately, I find myself declining invitations because they seem like too much work or I’m too tired. And that is definitely not good. You’ll miss out on all the good stuff with that kind of mindset. I’ve also been saying no too often to the kiddos. Obviously, there are definitely times when the answer has to be “no” (like the continual request for cookies for breakfast and wanting to play swords with butter knives), but I could certainly say yes more than I do. Usually saying “yes” takes more energy or makes a bigger mess, but I suspect that’s the stuff that makes the best memories.
After thinking about it, I realized that the trick is to learn when to say no so that you have the energy to say yes to the important stuff. I have yet to master this one . Even as I’m saying no to all kinds of fun stuff, I end up saying yes to all sorts of obligations. I find myself agreeing too often to volunteering, donating and to doing too many work projects. Then I end up exhausted and end up saying no to the stuff I really care about. Sometimes it’s hard for me to accept that I only have a finite amount of energy.
I get asked to volunteer and donate so often that it’s kind of crazy. And I’m happy to do my fair share (as much as I pretend to be a slacker mom, I really not). But it’s easy for all the little requests to swallow up half your day. If you’re a SAHM type and you tried to say yes to everything people ask you to do, you’d end up losing your mind (or at least I do…).
So what I really want to do this year is work on that elusive balance of yes and no. I want to say yes to my kiddos as often as possible. More fun, more silliness, more playing, more trips to the park. (For the record, this does not mean I will buy them more stuff. It’s still no in the toy store.) I’d like to happily accept the fun invites and work on politely declining the other ones. I’m working on figuring out which volunteer projects I’d really like to do and which ones I should pass on. I’d like to say no more often so that I’m able to say yes when I really want to, if that makes any sense.
I think it’s going to be a good year. Happy 2012 everyone.
9 comments:
It does make perfect sense. The more you volunteer the more they will ask of you since you are one of the doers and there are so many that do nothing. You remember that old 80/20 rule. Twenty percent do the work while 80 percent do nothing. Figure out what day or days you'll volunteer and then stick to it. If it's Wednesday mornings then let it be known that that is all you're willing to do. Pretty soon they'll only ask you for Wednesday mornings. Stick to your schedule too or you'll be right back where you are now.
As for the kiddos. Yes the messy stuff is what memories are made of. Go for it and they'll do the same with your grand-babies. Just saying.
Have a terrific day. :)
You definitely make sense to me! I have the same problem with both saying yes and saying no. It's either one extreme or the other. I wish I could find that balance.
It makes sense and I wish you luck. If anything I say yes too easily, and have trouble saying no.
When my boys were small (3+) I made a choice to say no as little as possible. That said I didn't want them to kill each other or get hurt either. What I did was to decide to give choices instead of a yes or a no. I.e. Do you really want to play with (whatever mildly dangerous thing)? If you do you will be punished. If you chose to do (insert family friendly/safe activity) then mommy will let you do/have/whatever. The major part of this is to follow through. Don't threaten/reward what you aren't going to go through with.
I always made myself pause for a moment before I answered when they asked me stuff. That way the easy to roll off the tongue no happened a lot less! And yes there was lots and lots of mess but looking back, I am SO glad!
Balance is hard...but I think you've got the right mind set! 2012 will be a great year for you!
That is an excellent resolution!! Learning to say "yes" at the right times is a skill that we should all learn.
Sounds like you are going to have an awesome year!! Good luck with your goals.
I LOVE THIS POST. I have the same issues with saying no to annoying responsibilities and then end up not saying yes to fun, happiness-inspiring stuff because I'm too tired from the humdrummy things!!
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